Growing Up & Fitting In

Sometimes you just want to fit in. I’m grown and I still find myself trying to squeeze into groups, to fit neatly as part of their pact.

I’ve changed outfits 5 or 6 times before trying to match the style of whatever group I’m about to join.

I’ve tried to be like the cool kids…bitter, up in arms, rage against the world. It’s not me. It’s exhausting.

I’ve tried the circle of happy-go-lucky and ‘the Lord has just blessed me so,’ where smiles are never absent and the kids nearly perfect.

I’ve tried jumping on the bandwagon for each new book and defending the denominational cause.

{Lord knows the list doesn’t stop there.}

But, truly? They’re empty and once the dust settles the bandwagon can be quite boring.

And I still don’t fit in…if I’m honest with myself I don’t fit because I’m not supposed to. Not that I’m this super special person that supersedes all these others. No.

I’m not meant to be someone else. I don’t have their passions, their cares, their love for whatever ‘it’ may be.

I’m nearly 30 and still growing up. Still not completely comfortable in my own skin. I thought I would have had that down by now.

I know who God’s said I am, but being that brave, vulnerable, and outspoken is scary. People might not like that person. I may not fit their mold. I might rattle their cage if my opinions don’t fit in their worldview, Christian beliefs, or parenting technique.

Living out on the limb away from the comfort of a sturdy trunk sounds adventurous. I’ve been there a time or two before, but the staying power…the Dependence I lack. I see the potential opposition and quiver. It’s easier by the trunk…safer.

But I need to come into my own.

Linking up with Life:Unmasked today,