Learning What Enough Is

I think somewhere in the last year I prayed this prayer. I probably wasn’t really paying attention to what I was saying. I probably wasn’t thinking what enough would truly be. I probably wasn’t aware of how hard the stripping of material comforts and excess would be. Shaun Groves said it was a dangerous prayer.

Here I am learning what enough is.

I’ve never been truly poor. Growing up in the military, my parents weren’t exactly rich. {You’re never really paid that you’re worth in the military.} I remember having an awareness that we didn’t have money like other people did. We were never lacking. We always had food and a roof over our heads.

But, I remember McDonald’s was a special treat and how we’d always get a new outfit when we went to visit grandma. Years later I was told those shopping trips were a bit more out of necessity than pure fun.

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I’ve always had enough, more than enough. I’ve lived quite comfortable, not opulent, but not pressed for money either.

{And isn’t it money that we so often see as giving us what we need?}

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We moved. We’re still in transition. My husband has yet to find a job, even though he’s been applying to 2 – 4 a day. We’re living in my parent’s garage. We have a roof over our heads, but our money is dwindling. Dwindling fast. In my adult life, I have never had as little money as we do now.

To be absolutely honest, it’s unnerving.

I’ve considered myself a person who hasn’t held on too tightly to worldly possessions or sought stability in my bank account. But, oh…I am. That has become glaringly obvious.

I’ve cried many a tear this summer over feeling like we don’t have enough. I’ve been embarrassed at explaining our situation to the new people we meet. Moving without a job, living with my parents…all things we prayed about and felt the Lord telling us to do. That he’d provide…now I’m thinking of the land we’ve gone out of and asking, “Did we make the right decision?”

I’ve worried and cried over grocery money. I’m trying to have my children adjust to not having the plethora of snacks their use to. I’m looking at my growing almost 4-year-old boy and noticing how much he’s grown over the summer and how it better change to fall soon or he’ll be out of clothes that fit him. I struggle when the offering plate is passed and we can’t contribute. {We made a commitment to two children in Ecuador that we want to continue to follow through.}

I’m weighing the drive into town with the cost of gas. I’m uneasy talking about my salted caramel mocha without emphasizing it’s bought with a gift card. I’m still getting use to how a meal out every now and then is no longer convenient, but excessive.

I’m being humbled.

I remember hearing story after story of friends who’ve seen God provide when they didn’t know where the money was going to come from, when there wasn’t a job in sight, when a need was about to go unfulfilled. I’d see their faith grow and be encouraged. I’d sit there, in my more than enough state, and think, Wouldn’t it be neat to see God provide like that?

Well, I’m there. I haven’t yet seen God provide, but I’m learning.

I’m learning how much I put my stability in what I possess and what my money enables me to do. I’m learning how I’ve looked to money for provision and satisfaction, when my mouth has said, “All things come from God.” I’m learning that to be poor by the world’s definition is not to be poor in the Kingdom.

I’m learning to pray for enough, to be satisfied. I’m learning to lean into God and trust his provision even when I can’t see it. I’m learning what Paul meant when he said, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.” I’m learning to be patience. I’m learning to be poor in spirit is a good thing.

I am learning what enough is.

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Image: Enough printable from Shaun Groves