I remember the days and months after my plans fell through. Seven years of striving and straining, crashed before me. The transcript I’d perfected, the money I’d saved, the GPA that got me into a collegiate honor society, the plan for graduate school and teaching abroad…all of it gone.
It was a hard lesson that I needed to experience. I had put my worth in my accomplishments. Little by little, God was stripping me of everything I thought I was.
It was identity rocking.
And then the questions came, When are you going back to college? What are you studying in school? What’s your plan for next year? Where do you work? What are you doing now?
Regularly, I fielded these questions from churchgoers. I had to reply with the only answer I knew, “I don’t know.”
They always seemed a little taken aback. They weren’t quite sure what to do with a young 20-something who didn’t know the next step.
It was my first foray into living by faith one step at a time. It still made me uneasy. I often felt I didn’t measure up. That I was somehow lacking because I didn’t know what God was calling me to the next day or month or year. It scratched my eager itch to be like everyone else and have a well-oiled plan with alternative routes.
But I knew God was calling me out. He was breaking old patterns of self-dependence and predictability—control, really. I couldn’t return to the old ways no matter how soft and sweet they seemed. He was leading me into new territory, a new country.
If you feel lost on this journey and aren’t quite sure where you’re going…don’t fret. Leave the anxiety behind. Trust Christ. The congregations can look and wonder, they can poke and prod. They might even question your character, Why aren’t you sure and steady like the rest?
You follow Christ.
There is purpose in wandering and not all surety is the path of God.