I feel the tension a lot. Perhaps more often lately because my body is enduring those final days before the baby is born knowing I can’t quite commit to anything immediate when healing and accumulating are on the horizon. I have plenty of thoughts and ideas and eagerness to change my life and do good, but there are physical and financial elements holding me back.
But only in part.
Much can be changed in my heart and action can be taken in prayer and this little family. I don’t have to be on the outside to effect the kingdom of God. But I want to do both.
I really truly believe, for me and our family, our faith and grace philosophy should be active and living beyond the philosophical discussions my husband and I have. It’s just the moving beyond talking that trips me up.
But have I to come to a point where I’m willing to dive in and change my thoughts, my processing, my actions, my words, my heart or will I continue to always wonder and wish and proclaim the Kingdom in philosophy only?
Am I willing to endure the uncomfortableness of unconvicted living that self-reflection will bring? Will I loosen my grip on the world and all its pretties for something eternal?
There’s a few words I’ve perused this week that have brought up my need for introspection, prayer, and moving forward:
She Reads Truth – Just the question, how is God’s Word impacting my life? I thought about this today…I’m reading it, but how is it changing me? Am I allowing it to?
Philippians – Our pastor has been preaching through Philippians…talk about being confronted with your apathy and comfortableness in mediocre faith. Some things just can’t live as discussions.
And this,
When it is all over, what is my legacy in Christ?
Sometimes the first step is just as awful as you imagined.
But you do it anyway.
And you keep doing it, over and over, until the root of that fear is dug out of the rocky hard soil, and you are free of it at last, and I believe God is making something beautiful out of it all.
What tension are you living in? Any action God may be nudging you toward?
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