I’m not here to tell you what can or can’t be on your calendar or how many activities you should or shouldn’t do in a week. That’s for you to decide what best fits your family.

I’m here to ask you a few helpful questions to get you there.

For me, the more things that show up on my calendar my breath constricts and life spins like a whirlwind around me and I can’t quite catch my balance to stand up. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like I have no control, no choice in what is happening in my family life.

But I do have control. We make choices everyday of what we will allow into our lives. Granted there are certain things we can’t control, but our response and what we say “Yes” to—we can.

What do I mean? When I’m not watching our calendar, when I’m not pacing our in’s and out’s, our family life can become hectic pretty fast. Rather than enjoying the things we’re doing or the people we’re seeing, they become built up stressors ready to explode, because I haven’t taken the time to examine what is really best for us or planned for tight spaces.

Today we’re going to streamline our calendar for December, filling our days with people and events that meet our family’s vision and Christmas, while bringing us the most joy and least stress.

1. Don’t be a slave to the calendar.

Print out a blank December calendar and pull out a piece of paper (or print the Streamline Your Christmas Calendar printables at the bottom of this post).

• Make a list of all the events you could attend, have attended in the past, you or immediate family want to attend, and events you feel obligated to attend whether you want to or not. Think of church functions, community events, school functions (concerts, plays, parties), service activities, and family gatherings you could attend.

What is physically, emotionally, and financially feasible? Do you still have room to breath?

• Next to each event write the date and note anything you need to bring to the event (food dish, gift, white elephant gift, ugly sweater, etc).
• Mark the events with their priority level: Must Do, Like to Do, Obligated, No Preference, Nope!.
• Starting with the highest priority place the events on your calendar. How fast did it fill up? Does looking at it cause anxiety? Is it something you’re looking forward to?

If you’re feeling that tension, pare down. Leave only what is a high family priority and you all will enjoy.

2. Keep family sanity a priority.

How will the events on your calendar affect your family’s needs? Bedtimes? Sensory issues?

Need for interaction or stimulation? Too much stimulation? Diet? Financial concerns?
How do these events encourage or detract from your tangible and intangible priorities?

3. It’s not set in stone.

Once the month is underway and if you find what is left on your calendar is too much, then cut back. If it turns out you’d really rather not go to another ornament exchange or bring 2 dozen cookies to a cookie decorating party, then don’t!

On the flip side, if you find something you’d really like to do, then do it! Your calendar is not set in stone and you are it’s master.

Don’t be afraid of disappointing others. Remember your aim is less stress and more joy for you and your family. If it’s causing you stress and detracting joy, then let it go.

So often we get to December and wrapped in the season, before we know it we’re overcommitted and stressed out by all the good and fun things to do or attend. They’re not bad, but they may not be best for you and your family, at least right now. Next year will be a new Christmas, another season for your family to evaluate the previous year and work toward what fits your family this year.

After you’ve filled in your calendar and planned all the parties, I hope you have found room to breathe. To laugh and dance and play. I hope you’ll find a few days where spontaneity takes you by surprise, room in your days and heart for little joys.

Don’t spend the Christmas season feeling trapped in a tightly packed schedule or even a light schedule. Leave room for joy. And be brave to do what’s best for your family.

Today start jotting down all the events you’d like to participate in this Christmas season and use the Streamline Your Christmas Calendar printables (Calendar & Activity List) to organize it all!

Photo Credit

Expectations often feel like chains when we feel compelled to act instead of eager and willing. By loosening expectations of ourselves and family we’ll stress less, enjoy our family and friends more, and be able to actively participate in the heart of the season.

What Expectations?

When it comes to Christmas, expectations could be mandatory visits to both families, accepting every party invitation, completing a list of daily Christmas activities, and gifts. Gifts seems to be one of the greater expectations at Christmas—it didn’t cost enough, it cost too much, it’s not high enough quality, not enough presents, it’s store bo

ught, it’s handmade, etc.

What’s tricky about expectations is you may not even realize you’ve altered your life to fit someone else’s view.

Expectations often are unspoken. Either it’s the way a relationship has always been without questioning or you can tell if the circumstances of the expectation changed the other party would react negatively. We often play along to the expectations of others to make life easier—we think for both parties, but in reality it really only makes life easier for the other.

Healthy & Realistic Expectations

It’s important to remember not all expectations are negative. It’s good to know what you or your family is hoping for and to honor what is within reason. However, many of the expectations we operate under (especially during times of stress) are unrealistic and unhealthy.

While you might feel like you’re taking one for the team and making everyone happy, unrealistic or unhealthy expectations breed unhealthy behaviors.

When we wear the expectations of others to the point we feel we must do this or things won’t be right, someone will be horribly disappointed or even mad at us, we’re letting this real or perceived expectation control our life.

We’re seeking to please people rather than do what’s best for our family and spirit. Living under undue pressure we become insecure, tiptoeing around fulfilling someone else’s expectations and seeking their approval, instead of resting in Christ and being comfortable in what he’s given us or called us to do.

Expectations could be mandatory visits to both families even if it means filling up on two Christmas dinners and dragging tired, overstimulated kids across town or to the next county. It doesn’t matter if they enjoy it, as long as they’re there. Or matching present for present what another relative is giving you or a family member. Perhaps you’ve put on the expectation that to make Christmas special you have to do a Bible-based activity every day.

For me, I get nervous and begin to worry what family members think when it comes to Christmas gifts. I’ve made my own gifts (for the most part) for the last 7 – 8 years. Most of my family enjoy and look forward to whatever I’m making for the year. However, some family members aren’t the handmade type. While this has never been said, you can tell by their reaction to homemade gifts that they’d rather do without it.

Last year as I made a list of supplies, I started thinking of how I could make presents look more store bought and fancy. In my head, I needed more gifts or an elaborate project. I wrapped my acceptance in my gift giving and was beginning to hike up my stress meter to appease someone else’s (perhaps) expectation.

I ended up going back to my original list. A gift is not worth putting undue pressure on myself. It’ll only steal my joy.

Examine Your Expectations

Let’s get practical. And honest. It can be uncomfortable, and I’m sure in some families it will be uncomfortable, but that hard lesson of living to please the Lord and not men? We need it.

• What expectations have you put on yourself? What’s healthy? What’s realistic?

• What expectations does your immediate family (or those you live with) have? Are they realistic? What’s important to them at/about Christmas?

• What expectations does your extended family have? Are they healthy? Are they realistic?

Keep expectations, hopes, or wishes that are healthy and meet the goal, the heart, and mission of your family.

Don’t be afraid to disappoint others. Some will be. Talk to them about why these changes are important to you and your family.

Are there areas of your celebration and life where expectations need to be loosened?

Identify some and make a plan (of action) to loosen them.

For more posts in the series visit the A Joy-Filled Christmas page or subscribe to the blog and get posts emailed to you!

Photo Credit 1, 2, 3