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Jesslyn Mueller

author ● sojourner ● mother artist

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The Reluctant Sojourner

JessicaJanuary 28, 2012

Excuse the dust. I’m setting up my tent, straightening the flaps, and learning the waysContinue reading

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jesslyn.mueller

Jessica Mueller
Welcome to Book Club. 📚 The book was a three, t Welcome to Book Club. 📚 The book was a three, the company a five.⭐️ We tried out a new place—wine, books, and food. It’s a pretty winning combination. Okay, on to the book— The Left-Handed Booksellers of London had a lot of promise. It felt like bits of Gaiman’s Neverwhere and Good Omens mixed with Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix and Christina Rossetti’s “Goblin Market.” I can imagine it being a fun film to watch and listening to it on audio was a better experience, for me, than reading it. There was a lot going on and you’re kind of thrown into it and learn about the Old World along the way. But there are no pauses. It’s basically chase after chase after chase. I think the story could’ve benefited from some breathing room and a little more backstory on the Old World and what/why the stakes were. 📖Are you in a book club? What is your group reading? #booksbooksbooks #yafantasy #bookish #idratherbereading
“You're like the sheep, Marine, so stupid. Alway “You're like the sheep, Marine, so stupid. Always you look back at where you've come from, what you've been, what you believe you are, and so you do not see the path you should be taking.” "I'm a soldier. I don't get to choose my path." He'd meant for that to stop the argument. It didn't. "You're a soldier, so you follow, yes? Then follow this." Pierre's hard finger jabbed him in the chest, above his heart. “God gave you this. He set it like a light within you, so that you could see it well and know the way to go. You follow this, Marine. Don't look behind.” - Pierre, from Bellewether I’m trying to return to sharing what I’m reading. Susanna Kearsley is comfort reading with a nice mix of history, mystery, romance, and a little bit of the fantastical. (This dual timeline book has a present day ghost.) I enjoy historical fiction that focuses on time periods and experiences that aren’t talked about as much. Bellewether is dual timeline: present day and French & Indian War. It focuses on a grieving colonial family in New York who is dealing with a son who is struggling with what he’s seen and lost in the war while having to house to French officers prisoners of war. The present day follows a museum curator as they’re trying to update the house (this family lived in) and finding more clues on what happened. “If life has taught me one thing only, it is never to look back. Be happy where you are. Grow roots where you are standing. If you have the ones you love, then you have everything." - Pierre Both quotes come from my favorite side character, Pierre, who acts as a bridge between the French and English colonists, having survived his own tragedy. #historicalfantasy #historicalfantasyfiction #susannakearsley #bookishlove #bookstagram
Beauty begets beauty. Art begets art. Creativity b Beauty begets beauty. Art begets art. Creativity begets creativity. Freedom begets freedom. Life begets life. Chase the things that take you there. - a message to myself I broke routine this morning and have tos and should dos and went with the desire to see the sunflower fields before they fade and the need to just go do something different. I’ve felt in such a funk lately—and this didn’t break it—but opened up the box and reminded me to breathe, to remember all the things I love and use to love that I all too often reconcile away with “not enough time” or “waste of time/money” or “what will others think.” I miss the old Jess who cared a lot less (less not never), didn’t always live looking over her shoulder waiting & worrying about the next hard thing, and had more confidence in her voice & loves without shame & a measuring stick. The last years have sucked the life out of me & I thought when I quit nearly every responsibility this time last year & finally got into counseling in the fall that it’d a few months and all would be sorted out, settled, and returned to normal. Ha. Jokes on me. I haven’t recovered & I’ve lost the will to force myself to push through to fulfill responsibilities & expectations just because. But I walked among sunflowers & admired their beauty with a constantly twitching eyebrow (an anxiety thing). It’s another both/and—the living beyond surviving (though been there) & dealing the with anxiety/depression. Shame takes up a lot of my mental space these days. Fear of the future. Overwhelm of responsibilities. Sometimes I just don’t want to see people anymore. And other times to move away and start over. But I’ve been thinking about this more and more, “What kind of life do you really want?” I’m closer to figuring that out. Closer, but not there. #wakingwildflowers #amongwildflowers #writingcommunity #graceandgrit #sheisnotlost #myseasonalstory #createandcultivate
“Everything I ever thought about myself—who I “Everything I ever thought about myself—who I was, what I am—was a lie. Or sort of. You have no idea how astonishingly liberating that feels.”⁠ - Tristan Thorne, Stardust by Neil Gaiman⁠ ⁠ I finally read this Gaiman classic. (If you didn't know, he's one of my favorites.) It holds up. Weird, old school fairy tale vibes, comical storytelling, beauty and truth in between. ⁠ ⁠ But the movie--y'all, it was horrible. Changed the story line, missed important things...it felt like it was a movie more to showcase for Michelle Pfeiffer than to actually tell the story.⁠ ⁠ It was funny to see Henry Cavil and the Darkling (aka Ben Barnes) in it, though very briefly. ⁠ ⁠ Other favorite lines:⁠ - Adventures are all very well in their place, he thought, but there's a lot to be said for regular meals and freedom from pain.⁠ ⁠ - Have been unavoidably detained by the world. Expect us when you see us. (I feel like that needs to be a door mat.)⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ #bookstagram #bookish #booklove #whatshouldIreadnext #bookishlife #readmorebooks #readerlife #bookishlove #bookhoarder #currentlyreading #bibliophile #themagicofbookstagram #fantasybooks
Random Ramblings in 3…2…1… • I don’t ha Random Ramblings in 3…2…1… • I don’t hate reels. I rather like them, particularly funny or pretty ones. It’s the motivation ones I can do without. • I love Loki. TH is 💚, but I’m not sure what to think about the finale. Just glad there’s a season two. • Summer is too fleeting. Things have not gone the way I planned & it has not been the time of dreaming & planning & road tripping. • I’m done? Almost done? with revisions. There’s still a few things I need to fix & then go reread the whole thing. (How do people go from draft to querying in less than a year?!?!) • My husband quoted NF at me this weekend, “the mind is a powerful place And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way It's pretty cool, right? Yeah, but it's not always safe” which is pretty much an indication of my mental space lately. • …which means I’ve been super emotional the last few days, feeling out of place & on edge. • I wish more people embraced BOTH / AND, but that seems to be a foreign concept most places. It tends to be what only supports my political/spiritual leanings and experience over anything else. It comes across as Matilda’s parents, “I’m right, you’re wrong. I’m smart, you’re dumb. And there’s nothing you can do about it!” There’s no willingness to dialogue, learn, or understand. It’s a great attitude for adults trying to co-exist and make society work. 🙄 • They don’t make glitter nail polish like they use to. Mine is chipping after less than a week. • I’m realizing I’m a Southern curmudgeon. I really don’t like the overbuilding happening in our town or the influence of all the northerners moving in for conservative politics (and their assumptions that only conservatives live here) and how they’re trying to rebuild the conveniences and atmosphere of the places they left and how the city/county are giving in because of $$$. We are losing southern culture. #thebittersoutherner 👇🏽apparently there’s more rambling 👇🏽
Beach reading in orange. 🏖🧡 I’m halfway t Beach reading in orange. 🏖🧡 I’m halfway through @bethallisonbarr The Making of Biblical Womanhood and it’s been a good ride. Insightful with lots to think about. (There’s a few quotes in my stories.) The Summer of Great/Grandmother is the second book in The Crosswicks Journal by the patron saint of creative women, Madeleine L’Engle. Like always, L’Engle’s writing is beautiful and thought provoking, but in this book she’s processing death and her mother’s Alzheimer’s which hits a little too close to home as we have two family members in various stages of dementia and how that will affect the family and all of our futures. I’m about to crack open The People We Meet on Vacation by @emilyhenrywrites . I’ve been saving it for vacation. Lol. I read Beach Read last summer (also at the beach) and have no doubt this will be just as amazing. 📚What are you reading this summer? Do you save books to read on vacation? #beachreading #whatshouldireadnext #bookish #bookstagram #bookishlove #summerreading #writersread
Dear Writer, It’s been awhile. I’ve been unins Dear Writer, It’s been awhile. I’ve been uninspired, so I turned to you and asked what creative encouragement would you say to yourself or someone else: • “We aren’t here only to produce. Art is about inhaling and exhaling. Pause, take a marvelous breath.” @yosheslit (isn’t that beautiful?) • “Trust yourself.” @jennyperinovic • “Embrace the habits and interruptions.” @brandi.voigt.fox • “Sometimes writing means brewing ideas for a while instead of typing.” @mauvedragonfly • “Look for wonder.” @stephanieascough And my words to myself (or you): It’s okay to rest. You can switch projects. That doesn’t mean you’re leaving it forever, just shifting energy. 📝 What words of encouragement do you need to hear or share? #dearwriter2021 #writingcommunity #writinginspiration #writingencouragement #amwriting
This week has been stressful on multiple fronts an This week has been stressful on multiple fronts and my gut reaction is always to compartmentalize and color code everything to provide a sense of safety and control. But sometimes when you’re tired and things are falling through the cracks, even color coding loses its luster. It’s another opportunity to learn to rest and care for myself (& my people) even in the uncertainty. And of course, it comes on the tail end of finishing this round of revisions and it’s negatively affecting my work—both in time and focus. Which leads to old patterns of “suck it up and work harder,” keep pushing through, and beating myself up because while it seems everyone else is running I’m closing in on a year of editing the same book. So learning to rest & be angry & not beat myself up & space to grieve…basically—not to compartmentalize too much. But also still color code. 🎨
I was reading Acts 7, where Stephen preaches befor I was reading Acts 7, where Stephen preaches before he’s martyred & he tells the story of Israel through God’s faithfulness. When he gets to Moses he tells the story that sent Moses fleeing to the desert—& it’s here you realize Stephen has a specific point he’s trying to make to the people who killed Jesus & those that stood by— He tells how Moses went to see how his people, the Israelites, fared & seeing the oppression the Egyptians put on them he killed a man who was mistreating a Hebrew slave. Moses assumed this was the way God would deliver his people (Acts 7:28), however, the next day he returns to see Hebrew fighting Hebrew & he tries to reason with them, “You are brothers. Why are you mistreating each other?” To which the Hebrews replied (paraphrase), “You who murdered your neighbor when you thought no one was looking, are you now telling us to not mistreat our neighbor?” And Moses ran. Stephen continues to tell story after story of God’s faithfulness & the people’s unwillingness to be faithful. He calls them a “stiff-necked people” who are “always resisting the Holy Spirit.” Then he drives the point home that kills him—pointing that they killed Jesus, “As your ancestors do, you do also.” (Acts‬ ‭7:52-53‬) This highlights two things to me: 1) We almost always paint ourselves in history (personal, corporate, national) more favorably than what is true. 2) We do not like to examine ourselves. The problem, these people saw, was not with themselves. It was the others. The Romans, the other religious groups, the tax collectors, the sinners—the problem was anyone, but them. We still have the same problem. ⬇️ #sundaymorningrefrain continued below⬇️
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